yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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