it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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