there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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