i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize