I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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