Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
