sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
