I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
