I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
