separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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