i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
