Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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