did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
