we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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