Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
