Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
