So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
