I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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