some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
