I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
