Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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