Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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