you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
