they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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