Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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