my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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