worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize