At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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