The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
