went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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