I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
