i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will be naked everywhere
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
