Porn is love you can see.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
