Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
