??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
