I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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