We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize