Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
