I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
