She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
