i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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