he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
