the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You're earring is so big in my mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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