Don't you send me to vm
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
