I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
they need to just BURY HIM!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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