Swine flu. Run for my life!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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