How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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