he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
