Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
