Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
