I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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