Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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