I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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