you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
