if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
