This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
being pregnant is like rehab
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
