She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love having hate sex.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
