That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just found puke in my bra..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
