He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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