just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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