My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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