I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I died a long time ago.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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