sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
