Plan B is the new Plan A
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
