I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
