omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
