I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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