My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
